Fire Alarms Sound Like Death Sentences To Me
by Gingerawesomeness
Summary: What happens when your school fires your janitor? They get a replacement, but it's bad luck for the two students who get stuck doing the job for a month. Especially when you chuck in a bet between teachers that makes everything a little (or a lot) harder. Deidara x OC
1. Fire Alarms and 'kinky punishment'

It's strange being unable to take your eyes off of the back of the madman who is currently trying to blow up your entire school. I always suspected that he was insane, and now I have proof. I mean, what kind of sane person attaches explosives to the walls of their own school and attempts to detonate them while still inside?

Attempts to detonate being the words used. The water rapidly coming from the ceiling drenches through the thin material of my school shirt with ease, and the screeching wail coming from all around starts to make my ears ring. Yet he still doesn't seem to care about the fire alarm, or the panicked students running past him, or the female teachers frantically trying to count their students while covering what their now see through white shirts are showing. I mean he's a teenage boy, he should at least be paying a little attention to that. However he is still too concerned about his clay explosive that the water has quickly turned into a mushy pile lying on the hallway floor.

"DEIDARA, JANISU, IN MY OFFICE, NOW!"  
Eyes widened in shock and fear; I shakily follow Tsunade to her office. The complete opposite of the casual saunter, and cocky grin that Deidara is using. He looks somewhat cool, even with his damp long hair clinging to his annoyingly pretty face. You would thing he did this sort of thing every day, and in thinking that, you'd be correct. I on the other hand happen to have only ever been in Tsunade's office to be congratulated for various achievements. A fact that I am very proud of, and a fact that would soon be untrue.  
"What do you two think you're doing?! Janisu, do you know how much property you've destroyed by pulling that fire alarm when there wasn't a fire?"  
"But miss, Deidara was trying to- "  
"I know perfectly well what Deidara was trying to do; I would also expect that a student so academically inclined would realise that the school would have put up barriers to stop such events after previous… incidents"  
"I didn't… I mean I just thought that… Why are there fire alarms then?"  
Tsunade seemed not to notice this comment and turned her attention to the student who feet were currently residing on her desk. Deidara also seemed to not notice this change of events and continued unwrapping the damp chewing gum he was intent on consuming.  
"Deidara, get your feet off of my desk and spit that chewing gum into the bin."  
"How do you propose I do that miss if I haven't even put it into my mouth yeah?"  
"Deidara. You know what I meant."  
"Fine, I'll put it in the bin yeah."  
"Good, now Deidara this is the fifth incident we've had involving you and explosives, not counting all of the times with arson, and the other countless misdemeanours you've racked up while here. You are officially on your last chance. One more visit to this office for trouble you've caused and you're out."  
Hearing no reply from Deidara I quickly check to see what he is doing, and discover that he is sodding solemnly while placing the now chewed gum on the underside of Tsunade's desk.  
"Both of you will be facing together a punishment that I deem fit, and seeing as detention, or suspension doesn't seem to affect Deidara's behaviour I've had to come up with something a little more…. Creative. You will both be doing what I like to call 'School Service' for a month. Report to me this afternoon after class for your first day."  
"Yes Tsunade."  
"Whatever yeah."

I drag my feet slowly, scraping them against the hard shiny floor of the corridor. I can't believe it! Stuck with Deidara for a month doing god knows what! And my record! My perfect shiny record having a big black stain all over it because of a nitwit blonde! I'm going to kill him. He is going to have an 'unfortunate accident' while on this school service, besides there is no way I'm going to make it through a whole month with that idiot without him killing himself accidentally anyway.  
I can still hear his stupid shoes shuffling down the corridor in the opposite direction, probably heading towards the art room even though that whole wing of the school has been evacuated and is swamped in water. Both of us have English with Kakashi at the moment, not that he seems to care.

"Janisu! Why what's a student like you doing in a place like this?"  
I glare at the large hand which is currently gesturing to the principal's office.  
"I pulled the fire alarm, and now I have school service with Deidara for a month."  
"Yes I was there for that fire alarm incident, seeing everyone dripping wet was quite a surprise. It would make great material for my next book though. School service I haven't heard of, Tsunade's punishments sound like they're getting sort of kinky, maybe it will make some great book material too"  
Jiraiya's cheeks went from white to blushing bride pink and I'm sure he was imagining some 'scenes' for his next book.  
"Well Jiraiya sensei this is my classroom, bye."  
I shut the door behind me, not wanting to hear whatever sexual innuendo Jiraiya was sure to reply with.  
"Sorry I'm late Kakash…."  
The rest of the sentence is left incomplete as I notice that most of the students are on their phones and the silver haired teacher had yet to arrive, even though it was halfway through the lesson.

The rest of the day went by in a blur of still damp students glaring at me and teachers giving me disappointed looks. Then the bell rang and with defeat I headed to Tsunade's office, preparing to deal with the 'consequences of my actions'. 


	2. Sexism and Scrubbing

I seriously need a chair, or at least some carpeted flooring. Half an hour ago I arrived outside Tsunade's office where an amused Jiraiya was quickly exiting, probably due to the slurred yelling that was being aimed at him by an irate principal. However that was half an hour ago, and since then the only sound from the office has been loud snoring. I would have entered and happily started my punishment (ok so happily was a bit of a stretch but started none the less) but Shizune the receptionist had told me that I was only to enter when both Deidara and I were present, and Deidara had yet to appear for our 'school service' whatever that ends up being.  
"Wow, I can't believe you actually turned up on time yeah"  
"Well I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for you"  
"I don't remember pulling a fire alarm today, oh wait that's right, I didn't, and you did."  
What I imagine is an ice cold gare seems to not affect the blonde, probably due to his lack of brain cells.  
"Well now that you're both here you may go in to see Tsunade"  
At the sound of Shizune's voice mentioning Tsunade the snoring stopped and as Deidara and I took our previous seats, and previous seating positions in the office (which, by the look that Tsunade gave Deidara's feet on her desk, were not approved of) there was no sign of the principals tiredness in her somewhat mischievously excited eyes.  
"Today you two are going to commence the experimental 'school service' program which consists of you both working together to do menial tasks around the school that, honesty, no one else wants to do."  
"This wouldn't have anything to do with the janitor that you recently fired?"  
"Ahha… why… why would you think that Janisu, that has nothing to do with it…"  
"Wait so I have to work WITH her yeah? No offence but I can't see that turning out well"  
"For once I have to agree with Deidara we don-"  
"See, you two are already starting to get along more! Now your first task is to clean the bathrooms in the woodshop hospitality area, and yes you have to do it TOGETHER, so both in the girls bathroom and both in the boys ok? I'm sure two 17 year olds can handle going into the opposite sexes bathroom. Now if you don't have any more questions you may start, all of the cleaning supplies have been placed in the corridor outside the bathrooms ready for you. Dismissed."  
"Actually yeah I have a few quest-"  
"Dismissed."

"This is the cleaning supplies?"  
The two small sponges seem to be, well let's just say 'pre-used', and the bucket full of what smelled like bleachy water wasn't exactly leaning to the 'brand new' side either.  
"This is bullshit yeah? How does she expect us to clean two bathroom's with this?!"  
"I guess we just have to make the best of it, which bathroom should we do first? I say girls."  
"Of course you say girls, you are a girl yeah. I think we should do boys."  
"Whatever happened to ladies first?"  
"Seems that chivalry is dead yeah."  
"Whatever then. Let's just do the boys first."  
"Pushover."  
With that final lovely statement from Deidara we pushed open the door and were greeted by the stench of stale urine and the sight of a dingy damp room. To say I was a little unfamiliar with my surroundings was an understatement.  
"Uh why is there a shower in here?"  
"There isn't a shower yeah?"  
"oh"  
"Wait, do you not know what a urinal looks like?"  
"Well, seeing as I lack certain anatomy which allows me to use one, no."  
"Oh."

For the next thirty minutes the only sound was sponges scrubbing cracked mirrors, grungy basins, and penis graffiti.  
"That's as good as we're going to get with these cleaning 'utensils'. Honestly how does Tsunade expect us to do a good job without giving us the necessary tools."  
"Screw doing a good job, we could hardly clean anything with this yeah. It's bullshit, and you people wonder why I attempted to blow this whole place up."  
"I'm tired and I have homework that I actually intend on completing, so let's just go and attempt to do the girls bathroom."  
"You know what they say about the thug life Jan. You don't choose it yeah, it chooses-"  
"Shutup."  
An eye roll was the only reply I got, entering the hallway and heading towards the pink door of the girls bathroom.  
"Oh, and don't call me Jan, or maybe I'll start calling you Dei."  
"Dei isn't so bad, Jan."  
And with a triumphant grin he pushes open the door.  
"WHAT THE HELL? This is sexism yeah!"  
"It's nicer but I mean I think you're overreacting a bit."  
"There is Strawberry. Scented. Candles."  
To be fair, Deidara was right, the porcelain basins had scented candles, decorative soap, and flawless mirrors surrounding them. Compared to the girl's bathroom the boys looked like a medieval dungeon. Although I think it would look like that compared to any bathroom which didn't feature a graphic sex scene drawing on each of the stall doors.  
"Let's just clean it, ok?"  
"Clean what, it's flawless yeah."  
I look on warily as Deidara explores the stalls, knowing that the girls toilets can be anything but clean.  
"I think there was a fight in here yeah."  
"Why the hell would you think that?"  
"There's dried blood on the floor in this one. It's really hard to clean off too."  
"I don't think that came from a fight…."  
"What else could it possibly come from yeah I mean why else would someone be bleeding in the bathro- oh. Ohh. Jesus that's rank! That is filthy, disgusting, why would it be? Why isn't it in the? I'm going to be sick yeah!"  
I hear the door slam and decide that it would be better for both of us if I finished up our 'school service' task for the day. 


End file.
